{ LET'S LIGHT THE KEROSENE TONIGHT }

[zoanna juliette hart.]

we'll tear down the building

The soft breeze of spring was embracing the curve of her jaw as she slowly walked, looking down at her camera. God knew how many times she had let it fall. But it was still good. Of course, there were scratches everywhere, but it still took good pictures. That was the important, wasn’t it? She had this camera since she had first started to be interested in photography. Which meant... A long, long time ago. About eight years. Okay, maybe not such a long time ago. But, for her, eight years was very long. Though, she remembered the scene as if it had happened yesterday. Her parents calling her from the bottom of the stairs, telling her to go in the living room. Her finding all the gifts which she already knew hadn’t been brought by Santa, but by no other then her father, disguised in Santa. Her mother telling her to choose a gift between the five who were for her. Of course, as any other kid, she chose the biggest one. When she opened it, her eye lit up and she ran all around the house, screaming and giggling. Obviously, it was the camera. She didn’t even want to open her other gifts after that one.

A smile spread on her lips as she put the strap around her neck and let the camera bounce against her belly on the rhythm of her footsteps. The wind blew her hair and she passed a hand through them to replace them. Zoanna Juliette replaced her earphones properly on her ears as ‘Viva la Vida’ started. She finally looked up and took a glance of what was happening around her. Her feet had carried her to the skatepark, somehow. After all, she didn’t mind. All she had wanted was take a little bit of fresh air. She had been stuck in the hotel for too many hours to her taste and needed to walk, run, do something. She stepped on the bench of a picnic table and looked around. She could see quite a few interesting pictures here. It was her usual ritual before taking a picture. Looking at the environment surrounding her, looking at the people around her, watching where the sun was so she could get a good light. She turned around. Great. The sun was behind her and the skaters in front of her.

She brought the camera up to the level of her eyes and stepped on the picnic table, waiting until she saw something interesting she could take in picture. There it was, a guy skate boarding was about to make a jump. She prepared and pressed the button just when he made the jump. She sat down on top of the table and looked at the small screen behind her camera to see the picture. It was a good one. Not the best she had taken, but with a bit of work on the computer, it would be great. She laid down on top of the table, again placing the camera at the level of her eyes. She held it with her right hand, putting her left hand in front of it. She pressed the button and looked at the picture. It was only a picture of her hand with the sky in background. Though, it was way better than the previous one since this one wasn’t in movement. She sat up again and looked around. It was just as boring as being stuck in the hotel. Zoanna really needed something to do. Now.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

notes: suckish. ugh.
outfit: clickey.
words: 589.
tag: BAILEN!

[bailen william holmes]

YOU'RE BRUSHING IT OFF LIKE
MY HEARTS ON YOUR SLEEVE

Sitting cross legged on the pavement, Bailen pulled on his shoe laces. Looking quite out of place, randomly sitting as a skatepark, with not apparent purpose. Obviously, Bailen didn't have much to do. He didn't skateboard. Bailen didn't put to much time in to learning, or doing anything constructive. Other than the progress with Maybe Memories, he didn't have to much to be proud of. At least he "looked the part", dressed like the kids who would, stereotypically, spend their time in this sort of place. It made him look a little less odd.

Even though tour had only been on for a short amount of time, Bailen had already grown very bored with it. Of course, it had it's perks, like, the women, the fans, and the independence. Bailen was only seventeen, he valued every bit of independence he was given. Nonetheless, touring had gotten boring, when he wasn't performing.

Bailen drummed his fingers on the pavement, humming incoherently, to an unidentifiable tune. He'd initially thought tour would be exciting, and now he found himself sitting alone at a skatepark, absolutely at a loss of ideas. He tugged on his bandanna, and tousled his hair. All his band members had more important obligations than spending their time entertaining Bailen. Bailen wasn't very independent, and had convinced himself that he couldn't find something to do by himself, and needed constant entertainment at another's expense. He groaned and layed back, propping himself on his elbows, and chewing on his lower lip.

Sitting up abruptly, Bailen caught a glimpse of her. His ex girlfriend, Zoanna Hart. Bailen wouldn't admit it, and wouldn't even accept it himself, that he couldn't get over her. He wanted Zoanna back. She'd dumped him hastily, after hearing about his little fling. Bailen had cheated on her, after a night of hard partying. Instead of being honest, and admitting it. He'd gone on, hoping she'd never hear about it. That everything would be okay, and nobody would ever tell her. Obviously, his plan didn't work. She'd heard. The break up was awful. It didn't help with Bailen's dislike of commitment. He'd actually really liked her, and just made a mistake. He was a stupid drunk. Bailen, would say that was the reason, and he didn't regret it. If she didn't understand that he was a stupid drunk, and would make mistakes, than they shouldn't have been together anyway. That's what Bailen said. He knew that it was wrong of them, and there was no excuse for cheating. He wasn't about to cave, and admit that, when they were fighting. He'd had time to think about it now. He was ready to try anything he needed to get her back, starting now.

He stood, stretching his tense muscles, sore from sitting on the pavement for roughly an hour. Slowly, he nonchalantly made his way toward the petite girl on the picnic table. He was anxious to speak to her, considering he hadn't spoken to the girl, since their break up. Bailen chewed on his bottom lip, it was his nervous habit. By the time he made his way to the picnic table, it was all he could do, to keep himself from turning and going right back to where he'd sat before. Bailen was never one to face his fears, or deal with consequences. He glanced at her, before sitting on the picnic table bench. He took a deep breath, "Hey" He greeted, trying to sound casual. It probably sounded tense and overpracticed, considering he's been convincing himself to just murmur a greeting to her, since he'd first caught a glimpse of her. The guilt had finally gotten to him. He looked down at his hands, to avoid eye contact.

- - - - - - - - -

wow. that sucked :/
outfit.

[zoanna juliette hart.]

we'll tear down the building

"Hey"

This simple word kept repeating itself in the back of her mind, with the exact same voice who belonged to the person, standing right next to her. The person was obviously a guy. But what was ticking her off wa that she knew that voice, but simply couldn't seem to remember where exactly she had heard it. Though she tried to think as hard as she could, nothing seemed to come to her mind. As the word kept reapeating itself in her head, she looked down at the small screen on her camera once again, going through all the pictures which were saved in it. Pictures from when she had left her parents house, pictures of her brother and sisters. There was also random pictures she had taken of the environment, of her hotel room, of the tour bus, or even random pictures of herself and some friends. There was also pictures of Melmel and her. There was just so many of them. She didn’t even know how her camera could handle all this. After all, it didn’t really have a huge memory. And then, there was that picture, of her and her ex-boyfriend, Bailen William Holmes.

You know, in the cartoons, when a character has an idea, a bulb lights right over it's head. Well, she felt exactly like that at this moment. As she stared at the pictures absentmindedly, she reminded where she had heard that voice before. Of course, it was Bailen's voice. She didn't know how she could've forgot. After all, Bailen was the lead singer of the group she worked with. Maybe it was the fact of what had happened for him now being her ex-boyfriend. Bailen had cheated on her and it had destroyed her. When they were together, she did really like him. But when she had learned about him cheating on her, maybe she had just erased any memories of him. And now, each time she saw him, after the moment spent taking pictures and maybe talking a bit, she immediately erased this moment. Well, at least, that was her theory. It would sound much more realistic if it was simply because she had barely slept last night and she was now really, really slow.

Zoanna looked up at him, but immediately looked away, feeling anger rise to her chest. Her fingers tensed and she started biting her bottom lip, not for nervousness. She bit her lip when she was angry too, sometimes to the blood. She changed the picture on her camera until it wasn't a picture of the two of them. She couldn’t handle seeing him in real. Neither could she handle seeing him in one of those pictures. Though, she wandered why she actually kept those pictures on her camera. Why hadn’t she deleted them, as any girl would have? She didn't feel at all like answering to this simple word which had came out of his mouth. She felt like letting him stand there, and go away when he wanted. But then, as she tried to convince herself it was the best thing to do, she decided to answer, but probably not the way he would've liked. Of course, he would’ve wanted her to reply by a simple, amical ‘Hello, Bailen’. But it wasn’t at all what she was planning. What do you want, Bailen? she asked him coldly, not giving him a single glance. She simply kept changing the pictures on her camera. She obviously wasn't over the fact that he had cheated on her...


_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

notes: gah. again suckish.
outfit: clickey.
words: 589.

[bailen william holmes]

YOU'RE BRUSHING IT OFF LIKE
MY HEARTS ON YOUR SLEEVE

Bailen felt more panicky, about speaking to his ex, as she stared at her camera, flicking through pictures. He didn't bother looking at the screen, figuring she was just ignoring him, rather than finding pictures of him, that were still on her camera. Bailen would've assumed those had been deleted the night she found out. The longer she scrolled through her camera, completely ignoring him, the more Bailen started to regret speaking to her, and the more he wanted to leave this awkward situation. He fidgeted impatiently with his bandanna.

Of course, Bailen and Zoanna had to be in eachother's environment, and around eachother, Zoanna being Maybe Memories photographer, though they never really communicated directly. The band members knew about the relationship between the two, but never seemed to mention their awkward photoshoots, and such. Bailen was sensitive about the relationship, and wouldn't take it lightly, if somebody mentioned it. Bailen had an awful temper, and his sensitivity about Zoanna, mixed with his explosive temper, wouldn't go over well.

Bailen perked, at hearing Zoanna's voice. Usually, a good reaction wouldn't be expected, after a greeting like Zoanna gave, but any attention from her gave Bailen a little hope, not a lot, obviously, but a little. He frowned a little, realizing she still hadn't even bothered to look at him. "I just came to say hi" And apologize for everything. Bailen wouldn't say that though, the naive seventeen year old had way to much pride to apologize for his mistakes. He was trying to act casual, and avoid the subject all together. It wasn't working to well though, because actually getting attention from Zoanna, only made him want to apologize more. If only his pride wasn't getting in the way. "I haven't talked to you in a long time." Bailen stated. There was an obvious reason for that. He was making small talk, trying to avoid an awkward silence, where he'd feel he'd have to leave. He didn't want to leave, he was going to make things better with her, he was determined. He wanted her back, even though he knew he wouldn't get that. He wasn't even asking for her friendship, just her forgiveness. That's all he wanted.

It was all he could do to keep himself from mentioning it. He was ready to apologize, and forget about his pride. But mentioning it, the first time he'd spoken directly to her since the fight, might not be the best idea. He didn't want to ruin any attention he was getting from her. Chewing on his lip, he glanced around the skatepark quick. What could he do to show her he was sorry, without directly mentioning it? He returned his focus to Zoanna, keeping his eyes on her, rather than at his lap. "I'm sorry for everything," Shit.

- - - - - - - - -

wow. that sucked :/
outfit.

[zoanna juliette hart.]

we'll tear down the building

As he talked once again, her fingers and toes tensed a little more. She closed her eyes a few seconds, trying to erase every word he had just said from her mind. How could he, by the sound of his voice, seem so calm, so casual. Of course, she wasn’t looking at him, so she couldn’t know that his appearance reflected perfectly how he really felt about this whole thing. She thought he was just acting as if nothing had never happened. People who acted as if nothing was wrong when there actually was a problem always pissed her off. Her boyfriend in high school had drugged her to have sex with her. And then, three days after when one of his friends had let it out in front of Zoanna, he came up to her, acting calmly. I think I don’t need to tell you that that guy ended in the trash in front of the school. If that was what Bailen wanted, she could end this pretty quickly. Okay, she didn’t have anything particular to do today. But she didn’t want to waste her free time for something like this.

I haven’t talked to you in a long time.

Oh, now he was really wanting it. She closed her camera and put it back in her pokemon backpack. She laid her hands on her knees, grabbing them with force so her hand wouldn’t turn into a fist and wouldn’t go hitting Bailen’s nose. She looked down at her shoes, closing her eyes to calm down. Well, at least, to try to calm down. For her, it wasn’t as easy as it was for others. She didn’t just have to turn the switch off. It took her a very long time before she could finally calm downand go back to her normal, happy self. She took in a deep breath before releasing a bit her knees who were starting to hurt a little. Zoanna looked up, but not at Bailen. She simply looked directly in front of her, seeming to ignore that Bailen was actually standing right next to her. Though she had acknowledged his presence a long while ago. She just didn’t want him to think she was actually giving him a bit of attention. She didn’t want to believe it herself. Obviously. She simply said. She frowned lightly when the tasted of blood –coming from her lip- entered her mouth.

And then, a silence installed itself between the two of them. For her, it wasn’t really awkward. It actually gave her some time to think. To think about why she had kept those pictures, to think about why she actually replied to his statements. Why did she do all of this? Was it simply because she was actually starting to get over it? No. She couldn’t be. Not her. She was one of the most spiteful person on this earth. She stopped biting her lip. Though she was used to it, she hated the taste the blood had. She stuck her hands in her pockets to keep herself from hitting him. Though she didn’t know why she actually kept herself from hitting Bailen. Yet another question which would probably never have an answer. But then, his voice rose from next to her yet again. She couldn’t help but jump to her feet. Now, she remembered that, even though he was younger, he was way taller than her. She looked up at him, her eyes full of hate. Don’t you think it’s a bit late to say you’re sorry?! HMM?! She said. She simply couldn’t handle sitting there, trying to seem calm. Her breath was heavy. Her chest went up and down to it’s rapid rhythm.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

notes: hmm.
outfit: clickey.
words: 617.

[bailen william holmes]

YOU'RE BRUSHING IT OFF LIKE
MY HEARTS ON YOUR SLEEVE

Bailen cringed at her short, bitter answer. He was trying, wasn't he? Bailen was selfish, and he thought, if he at least attempted, it should be forgotten, it wasn't that easy though. He was starting to learn that. Bailen sighed, and ran his hand through his hair. Why couldn't she understand that all he wanted was to apologize to her, and make it right? She wouldn't allow it. She would never just accept the apology though. Bailen had screwed up too bad, and he knew that.

He was a bit taken aback as she jumped to her feet. He towered over her, standing 6'1'', over her 5'3''. Still, she could get intimidating when she was mad. Bailen was even more surprised at her response. Nobody called him on anything, growing up without discipline, Bailen wasn't used to this. He was shocked for a moment, and speechless. "Uhh..." He was making himself sound stupid, but he had no idea what to say. He ran his hand through his hair again. "Well, yeah. I know it's too late to. I just wanted you to know I was sorry, Zoe." He shrugged. He'd hoped it wasn't too late, though, in the back of his mind, he knew that he wouldn't get too much forgiveness. He didn't deserve it, but he wanted it.

Bailen was really starting to feel the guilt now. She was everything he asked for, so he thought, and he threw it all away for one drunk night. His stomach ached, he hadn't felt this much regret, not when he ruined he disappointed his parents, and got kicked out. This was the kid who never regretted anything. The one who was only seventeen, and believed that, it was wasting your youth to having any regrets. Everything happened for a reason. Then again, Bailen was wasting his youth in his own way, waking up in the morning, not even remembering what had happened the night before. Sleeping off hangovers during the day, it wasn't the best either.

"Listen, I'm not asking for you to get back together with me," Liar. "Or even to be friends," Liar! "Or to even forgive me." LIAR! "But, I want you to know that I'm sorry for what I did to you, and, I'm not going to come up with any excuses about it, anymore," Bailen had told her, that he did it because he was drunk. That he shouldn't have been expected to control himself. He ran his hand through his hair, once again. Thinking of what else to say to go along with his apology. "And, I know I should've been able to control myself. It was wrong, and shouldn't have happened. He bit his lip. Actually, he was slightly proud. This wasn't rehearsed, and probably the best he could ever do a apologizing, since it wasn't Bailen's style to say sorry. "So, I'm sorry. I know it's not going to change things. But I wanted you to know that."

He stopped, hoping it was enough for her to at least realize he truly was sorry. Bailen sat on the picnic bench, so she was slightly taller than him, while she was standing. Bailen began thinking, was there any other way to show her? He could "romance" her, he'd do whatever it took to get Zoanna back, even though he told her he wasn't asking for anything. He didn't want to tell her that he wanted something from her, because he was apologizing. It wouldn't seem as sincere. It stared up at her, anticipating a reaction.

- - - - - - - - -

wow. that sucked :/
outfit.

[zoanna juliette hart.]

we'll tear down the building

For the band’s sake. He had passed over his own pride, only for the band’s sake? After all, he hadn’t changed at all. Somehow, she really was disappointed for that. She really had thought he had changed and wasn’t the same guy as before. But then, there was another theory in the back of her mind, which she didn’t really want to think about. Maybe it was all because of her. Maybe he was only saying those words because she wasn’t showing the true feelings she had –though, she still didn’t want to admit those. Maybe, deep inside of him, he did really was sorry and wanted to be friends with her. And then, she was crushing his hopes so he thought he was trying for nothing and came back to his normal self. In fact, that theory exposed how she thought she was way more selfish than he was. She started biting the inside of her cheek slightly, starting to feel a bit bad.

But then, he spoke again and she was even more surprised then when he had said he wouldn’t get any more excuses for his acts. You’ve been through enough. Well, that was one point they totally agreed on. Only god knew how much he had made her suffer; how much nights she had spent awake, wishing she had never started dating him in the first place, asking herself what could’ve probably made her love him. It had taken her days, weeks, even a month to finally get that sleep back and finally get her life going. Yes, she had been through a whole lot. She was happy he was finally admitting it. Though she had to admit he had probably been through a lot himself. After all, the fight would’ve been pretty horrifying if you would’ve seen it from the outside. Well, not the bloody kind of horrifying. But yeah... She sighed deeply, looking away for a few seconds and taking in everything he had said.

A long minute or two passed, when Zoanna felt pressure coming on her thin, fragile shoulders. She felt like it was her turn to say something. But she didn’t know what. Of course, she wanted to get over it. But it wasn’t that easy. Even though it had been a while since they broke up, she still had the images in her mind of that fight. But then, her eyes were caught by Bailen finally making a movement. She couldn’t help but look up at him as he stared down at her. In that very moment, she felt so petite. Not because of her size. Because Bailen looked really, really serious. You know, the face a father would take to ground his children. It was a bit odd, since Bailen wasn’t her father, neither a brother, neither anything close to that. But she still looked up at him until he finally spoke. You know what I’m trying to say?... I’m still in love with you. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! Her mind screamed at her as she looked away and fell on the bench. She immediately looked down at her feet.

What was he thinking?! Why did he have to tell her that?! Plus, why now? Everything had been going well, until he said those words. She was about to partly forgive him. But no, Mister Holmes had to drive her crazy even more before finally letting the poor girl think a bit. A very long sigh, longer than any she had let out before, came out of her mouth. She took in a deep breath before finally looking up at Bailen. She was decided on asking him her questions. Bailen... Why are you telling me that, now? She said, staring up at him. What was he going to answer? She had no idea. She simply hoped he wasn’t just messing with her poor, fragile mind.


_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

notes: hmm.
outfit: clickey.
words: 642.

[bailen william holmes]

YOU'RE BRUSHING IT OFF LIKE
MY HEARTS ON YOUR SLEEVE

Bailen, after hearing her response, nodded, slightly disappointed that she didn't react better, though he didn't expect a better reaction, he hoped for it. With not that great of a reaction weighing him down, Bailen decided that he should tell her he was doing this for the band, not for her, or because he still waned her. He was obviously lying, but his pride was getting in the way of all honesty again. It was stupid, but, at the time, it sounded to be the most logical. "So, do you think we can let this go now? For the band's sake?" After saying it out loud, Bailen heard how much he sounded like a jerk. He wanted to kick himself for his stupidity. He mad himself sound so self centered, narcissistic, and shallow. Everytime he made things a little better, he made it ten times worse by running his stupid mouth. He shouldn't have told her he was doing this for the bands sake. No girl wants to hear a guy his sorry for cheating on her, so the band can move on, rather than him being actually sorry. Of course, he was lying. He was truly sorry, but of course Bailen couldn't leave it with anything good. He had to go and screw it up.

"And for us. I think we need to start letting it go too." It would've been much better if he would've just stopped talking. "We've-" He corrected himself "You've been through enough." Bailen took a deep breath, he was just digging a deeper hole, the more he talked. Bailen pulled his bandanna off, and tousled his hair. He didn't look as good as he usually did. He'd been sleeping off a hangover, from the drunken party, and one night stand. He was leading a band member's life, no doubt.

He rubbed his forehead, wanting to say something to make up for his stupid comments. He couldn't think of anything quite right though. Until something popped in to his head. It was risky, and would most likely piss her off, or give her hope. Bailen wasn't sure he wanted to go that far, and say it. Honestly, Zoanna was the only girl Bailen had ever said it to in the first place. She might just assume he was saying it to forgiveness. He decided that was a chance he was willing to take.

Bailen stood, looking Zoanna directly in the eyes. "You know what I'm trying to say?" He paused, mentally preparing himself for what he was about to say. It could make or break any progression he'd made, since he'd started talking to her. "I'm still in love with you." Maybe she wouldn't believe him, since he'd cheated on her. Maybe she wouldn't believe him, and think he was trying to kiss up. Or, maybe she would believe him, and "I'm still in love with you" would make more progress than anything.

Taking a step back, from Zoanna, Bailen stared directly in to her eyes for a moment. When he wasn't able to read any certain emotion, he sighed. "Well, I think I've said all I've needed to." He shrugged, and chewed on his bottom lip, continuing to stare at her. He was nervous she wouldn't believe him, and there would be a very bad outcome from this, just that statement, could fix everything, or, make her hate him even more. Needless to say, Bailen was counting on that statement for everything.

Bailen was happy. Finally, he got that off his chest. Even if she didn't return his not-so-secret adoration, still, she knew how Bailen felt. Maybe they could be friends, he'd be happy -for now- with that. He just wanted Zoanna to be part of his life. Bailen knew a friendship would be awkward, after admitting this to her, but he was willing to try anything. He really had changed, though, he was still drinking and partying, he'd let go of his pride, and finally accepted that he was wrong.

- - - - - - - - -

wow. that sucked :/
outfit.

[zoanna juliette hart.]

we'll tear down the building

For the band’s sake. He had passed over his own pride, only for the band’s sake? After all, he hadn’t changed at all. Somehow, she really was disappointed for that. She really had thought he had changed and wasn’t the same guy as before. But then, there was another theory in the back of her mind, which she didn’t really want to think about. Maybe it was all because of her. Maybe he was only saying those words because she wasn’t showing the true feelings she had –though, she still didn’t want to admit those. Maybe, deep inside of him, he did really was sorry and wanted to be friends with her. And then, she was crushing his hopes so he thought he was trying for nothing and came back to his normal self. In fact, that theory exposed how she thought she was way more selfish than he was. She started biting the inside of her cheek slightly, starting to feel a bit bad.

But then, he spoke again and she was even more surprised then when he had said he wouldn’t get any more excuses for his acts. You’ve been through enough. Well, that was one point they totally agreed on. Only god knew how much he had made her suffer; how much nights she had spent awake, wishing she had never started dating him in the first place, asking herself what could’ve probably made her love him. It had taken her days, weeks, even a month to finally get that sleep back and finally get her life going. Yes, she had been through a whole lot. She was happy he was finally admitting it. Though she had to admit he had probably been through a lot himself. After all, the fight would’ve been pretty horrifying if you would’ve seen it from the outside. Well, not the bloody kind of horrifying. But yeah... She sighed deeply, looking away for a few seconds and taking in everything he had said.

A long minute or two passed, when Zoanna felt pressure coming on her thin, fragile shoulders. She felt like it was her turn to say something. But she didn’t know what. Of course, she wanted to get over it. But it wasn’t that easy. Even though it had been a while since they broke up, she still had the images in her mind of that fight. But then, her eyes were caught by Bailen finally making a movement. She couldn’t help but look up at him as he stared down at her. In that very moment, she felt so petite. Not because of her size. Because Bailen looked really, really serious. You know, the face a father would take to ground his children. It was a bit odd, since Bailen wasn’t her father, neither a brother, neither anything close to that. But she still looked up at him until he finally spoke. You know what I’m trying to say?... I’m still in love with you. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! Her mind screamed at her as she looked away and fell on the bench. She immediately looked down at her feet.

What was he thinking?! Why did he have to tell her that?! Plus, why now? Everything had been going well, until he said those words. She was about to partly forgive him. But no, Mister Holmes had to drive her crazy even more before finally letting the poor girl think a bit. A very long sigh, longer than any she had let out before, came out of her mouth. She took in a deep breath before finally looking up at Bailen. She was decided on asking him her questions. Bailen... Why are you telling me that, now? She said, staring up at him. What was he going to answer? She had no idea. She simply hoped he wasn’t just messing with her poor, fragile mind.


_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

notes: yeah, i had like a small problem and modified the previous post. so there's like, this post, you, then this post again. sorry.
outfit: clickey.
words: 642.

[bailen william holmes]

YOU'RE BRUSHING IT OFF LIKE
MY HEARTS ON YOUR SLEEVE

Bailen was moody, to say the least. He was having trouble making up his mind, whether to continue his normal attitude. He could continue worrying about his pride, and pretend this never happened. Or, Bailen could show the other side of himself, the one that cared, the one with empathy. Something inside Bailen told him to go with the second one. Even though everyone believed that it was Bailen's character, to go with the first one.

Hoping desperately that she was only acting like this because she didn't want to get hurt again, rather than actually hating him, Bailen chewed on the inside of his cheek. Somewhere inside of her, she had to have something for him, they were too in love to not still like eachother somewhat, right? Though, Bailen had never been cheated on, so he didn't know what that feeling was, and what it would do to your opinion of a person. Of course, it made you think less of them, but how much? Enough to hate somebody you were in love with? Oh, he hoped not. He wanted her back in his life. This was so out of character for Bailen, to be acting like a normal human being, rather than an arrogant, jerk. Bailen wasn't one to apologize, or even show any sympathy or remorse. He pretended to think everything he did was right, when really, he knew a lot of things he did were wrong, he'd never admit it. Plus, Bailen didn't regret too much in the first place.

Still standing directly in front of Zoanna, with a completely sincere expression, he merely shrugged. Again, not the best move, but what was he going to say? He wasn't sure why he had this urge to share it with her, he just felt he needed to. Maybe it's because he wanted her back. If that was the case, he wasn't going to tell her that. How would Zoanna react if Bailen hadn't talked to her since the fight, than showed up to apologize, and the same day, asked to get back together. Something told Bailen things wouldn't work out.

Bailen took a deep breath. He was worried his explanation for his sudden confession would sound fake. He was going to tell her how he felt, even if it sounded cheesy. "Well, lately, I haven't been able to get you off my mind. Having to see you almost everyday hasn't helped. I don't know, why I said it now. I guess, because I finally worked up enough courage to talk to you again, or something?" Bailen resisted taking her in his arms. The longer he spent with her, the more he wanted desperately for forgiveness, and to be with her.

"I guess, I'm asking to be forgiven? And, I thought you deserved to know I still have feelings for you." Bailen wasn't sure what to say anymore. He wasn't getting a reaction from her, either way. It was making it harder for him, and stressing him out. If he got a smile or something, it'd make him more comfortable. Or, if she was going to hate him still, couldn't she just break it to him now, instead of making him stand here awkwardly, and suffer. He continued to stare directly in to her eyes.

- - - - - - - - -

wow. that sucked :/
outfit.

[zoanna juliette hart.]

we'll tear down the building

She still was in love with him. That was one thing she couldn’t deny. For what other reason would she have kept all those pictures of them and why would she always think about him when she met a guy? She definitely wanted him back, just as he wanted her back. But then, she couldn’t seem to be able to admit it. It was like if the roles were exchanged. Bailen was becoming the good guy who would do anything for her. And there she was, becoming with each minute a bit more like his normal self. But there certainly was a reason behind all of this. There had to be a reason behind her reactions. Maybe it was the fact she was so scared. Scared that he would destroy her heart another time. She didn’t want to live this situation all over again. It had been really painful the first time. She could only imagine how it would feel the second. Or maybe she did really hate his guts for cheating on her or some other odd reason –though, she wouldn’t see for what other reason she would hate him, but... yeah. Zoanna thought it was more the first one than the second. It really sounded more like her.

He was asking to be forgiven. That meant he really didn’t know how it felt to be cheated on. It was so hard, though she was starting to want it as well. The question was, could she? Could she forget about everything and be his friend –eventually maybe more? Could she forgive him for totally destroying her? She doubt of it. But didn’t they say you couldn’t know if you never tried. She had always believed in that. She always gave something a try. If it worked, than good. If it didn’t, than too bad. But the problem here was that, if she gave it a try, she would probably get hurt. But then, if she didn’t gave it a try, she would have huge regrets for her entire life, probably. All those questions were starting to give her a huge headache. One thing was sure, she didn’t want to go through all that pain over again. But then, she still liked him and knew she would have regrets if she didn’t try. She pressed the palms of her hands on her forehead, trying to think. Either option was just as worse as the other, to her.

Zoanna finally looked up at Bailen, feeling suddenly weird. She brushed locks of her hair behind her ear before looking away. She opened her mouth, but then, closed it again, searching for how she could say what she wanted to say. I uh... I need more time, you know? I mean... to forgive you. I need to clear my mind and work out with all those questions... She started, looking up at him. She started biting her bottom lip slightly before she continued. I really need time to get over all this confusion... She finished, cutting herself and looking away once more wondering what is reaction would be. She thought it wasn’t the perfect time to admit that she had feelings for him. That she still liked him. Plus, in her mind, it wasn’t sure. So why give him hopes when finally, she was going to crush them? Yeah, all of this sounded much more like her old self, Zoanna Juliette Alexis Hart. What was going to happen now? Were they going to talk more during the photoshoots or in the tour bus? Would they act more like acquaintances instead of acting like as if they had never seen each other?


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notes: rawrr.
outfit: clickey.
words: 608.